Today, I’m writing to share with you the first details of my upcoming full-length. It’s called “Who Am I” and consists of ten songs that I wrote in Berlin while thinking of Athens. And the world. And everything that’s been happening.
So yes, this post is about my new album, but my intentions are far from being promotional. Over the past seven years I’ve been asking myself, “who am I?” and even further than that, over the past many years, I’ve been asking myself “who are the people around me?” and “who are the people who govern us?” Because everything seems so vain and/or futile, and we’re always told we only live once.
That’s what “Who Am I” is about…
“Who Am I” is my ode to our humanly deep need of security and love. But for love to reign and run abundant, it has to be contrasted by the worst feelings one can imagine. I don’t know if that’s always the case, but often it is – which is sad. Lately, I’ve been reading a lot – not just the physically typed words, but also their undertones, their meanings and motives and I’ve realized how hard it is to read something that’s simply just hard facts – the truth. Perhaps, it’s in our nature – the inability to be completely objective and reliable when delivering news or decisions.
We have so much in common – all of us, really. Yet, we choose to see more where we differ. Because, maybe, we haven’t decided what it is that we want – to belong somewhere or to be unique? And although it can be possible to belong somewhere while remaining unique and special, we tend to always want what we don’t have. As if we’re constantly on a roll, searching for grandeur or, simply, a purpose. A purpose that’s, hopefully, accepted by some and ideally by most. But we can’t be one, can we? We’ll always be divided, up to some extent. And it feels like a mission of our communities and nations to never ever change the fact that there will always be another community or nation that ours despises.
Our ethics and our cultures are always shaping us but what we become is completely our choice. As I mentioned, I’ve been constantly asking myself “who am I”? Have you? Especially during our particularly troubled times, some introspection is more than needed. Looking inside or facing ourselves in the mirror, confronting whoever has lied to us, even if that’s our own selves – that’s necessary. That’s a responsibility we have towards each other. How can we change things or ever be happy if we don’t know who we are and what we want?
And of course, we’re beings on a perpetual movement. We evolve as we go, we become better. New technologies, new standards, new laws, new norms – do we realize the change? Or do we go with the flow? Whatever the case is, we’re changing, regardless. As we grow, we’re becoming a mix of things, often holding on to contradictory beliefs and ideas – we don’t even understand their contradiction or the conflict they’re causing to our minds and hearts.
I can give you an example.
The personal conflicts
Since I can remember, I’ve always struggled with my body image and weight. I’ve been taught I should be thin and criticized whenever I gained one/two kilos. At some point, I took my obsession to the extreme. I wouldn’t be eating for days and sometimes I didn’t even drink water in the fear my belly would look bloated. Thankfully, I used my brain, worked on myself and tried to follow a balanced diet…but my hormones did not agree. I started swelling and swelling and I started hating my body and the looks it was receiving. At drama school or at band rehearsal, I would hear how I’m “not skinny enough”. Everybody would point out that I had been gaining weight, making cruel comments, putting me in a position in front of others even though they knew that my health wasn’t in good condition. When at home, I would pull my oldest clothes out of my closet, put them on, see they wouldn’t fit and start punishing myself. That was when I started harming myself.
But here’s the catch, here’s how conflicted I am as a person. I’ve always been against superficial discrimination – I believe there’s beauty in every single person. Yet, I never managed to like myself. Perhaps, that’s the reason why I picked the stage as a career, as a constant reminder/punishment for my what-I-think-as shortcomings. Because I always thought, everyone shall wear their face and body with pride, except me. And believe me, writing these words and even more, knowing or looking back to a completely unnecessary trouble I’ve weighed myself down with, makes me feel utterly embarrassed. Because I could have spent my time – I could have put my energy hating myself – elsewhere.
That’s just an example of the unknown, the contradictory and the conflict as a moment of truth, if you please. For a long while, I thought I was alone. Now I know that I’m not. My album “Who Am I” is dedicated to all those feeling a bafflement right to their heart. But our health (body and mental) must come first. Our liberty to express ourselves and our safety when doing so must come first. Our similarities with one another should be spotlighted – now more than ever. Because we can learn from each other.
If you’re feeling lost or confused because of our societies, because of yours or your neighbor’s choices or words – you’re not alone. If you feel angry or sad, you’re not alone. If you feel that you’re not accepted or you’re hurt – for whatever reason, please know that you’re not alone. Whatever you may be struggling with, please know that you’re not alone. I’m with you. There’s no right and there’s no wrong, but there’s hope. And while we’re feeling defeated, even during those dark hours, there’s hope that we can do better. And we will. As long as we all fight on the same side. At least, a girl can dream…
If you have anything to tell me, if you want to talk or share your stories and opinions, feel free to write me. I’ll be looking forward to it.
“Who Am I” is out on May 12, 2017, via EraseRestart. The first single “Berlin During Winter” will be released with the start of the new year, in early January.
“Who Am I” was written in Berlin and produced at Artracks Studios, Athens.
- A Letter From Urban Street
- Away From Me
- Instead Of You
- Summer Prince
- Who Am I
- Millennial Girl
- To You
- Berlin During Winter