I’m very happy to finally share my music video for Dirty Sunday. I’ve been waiting for this moment to come for a long while. The video was filmed in December, one day after my birthday and the release of “Free”. The director of this video is Chris Phillips, the man behind Pornceptual. The video was filmed at the Blogfabrik in Berlin, a community of Content Creators – a community that I am part of.
Being a woman in this crazy industry of music is just as hard as swimming with sharks. Being a woman in this crazy industry of music and wanting to succeed because you think you’ve got it is just as hard as admitting that you don’t have equal chances as the man you’re might be competing with. Women in this crazy industry of music are often being reduced to their looks, their boobs or to “that time of the month”. No matter if we’re talking about women managers, A&Rs, producers, engineers, artists, publishers, booking agents, promoters…
Through a video, I speak my truth, I tell a story.
The past year, there has been this movement of ladies speaking up against abuse and harassment which has been utterly brave and courageous, a true sign of freedom. I’m literally looking up to those women for doing what I’m not capable of. We all have our experiences in life, both good and bad. I don’t know how many times in the past years people told me to “let it go” and “move on”. What to me feels unfair, to others is a big, fat “whatever”. When something bad happens to you, you usually have to options. You either suck it up or you talk about it. I sucked it up every time, I lost my point. Next time, I hope I’ll stand up like those girls, pointing my finger to the person who’s putting me in a position or reduces me to a superficial extent.
On the music video for Dirty Sunday, I spoke my truth about how I see and perceive this super troubled industry. Together with Chris Phillips, we created the perfect dream/nightmare background. The colors represent THE dream. That one that each and every girl who ever wanted to get on stage ever had. Nobody tells you about the hardships and even if they do, (at least for a long time) you won’t hear. You’ll block that talk. For a long time, you’ll smile at your abusers, you’re so determined that you think that’s the only chance you’re given and you shouldn’t fuck it up. You’d do anything they say, you’d wear your makeup anyhow they tell you. You have to lose weight if they tell you you’re fat. You have to jump if they say so. You can only talk if you’re given allowance. Some people might read that and say “oh poor them, missing a strong personality”. That’s bullshit, because obeying to all these is the only way to get us to the top we wish to be and sacrificing a “couple of things” is nothing compared to the prize waiting for us at the finishing line. And here comes the war between passion and logic.
The demons start deluging your body – there are never too many. You start losing yourself more and more, burning out. You’re kept in a cell with imaginary bars, you’re kept in a box. They would do anything to make you feel smaller and smaller. From a certain point and on, they don’t even have to try – you do that to yourself.
The only way to get out of this vicious circle, the only way to compete with the other “products” that this industry has lined you with is to “bury” your old self. It sounds macabre and saddening, but it’s the only way to grow a thicker skin and grow out of any situation that you/they put you in. It’s the only way to find your voice again and start over.
I know that there are plenty of women out there feeling boxed. The society norms and unspoken rules have still to be changed. All we need to do is to “bury” this little girl that says “yes” to everything and go get what we deserve. We should fight for our own seat – being offered one means that they can take it back from you and that’s not how it should be! Don’t let anyone feel sorry for you, for me, for us! Together we can change it all, but only if we stand together and we have each other’s backs.
Much love to all of you out there. Much love to every person who’s felt like that, no matter the gender, no matter the race, no matter if blue or purple or yellow eyed. If you notice that one person around you is abused or harassed, do something – as you’d like someone to do something for you. It’s really that simple, I don’t understand why we make things so complicated!
Take care, you guys! And take care of each other!
There are still some vinyl copies left of my debut EP “FREE”. Grab them now from our EraseRestart shop!